My dad had a favorite little story that he used to tell about my early communication skills. As he told it, one night as we were sitting down to eat dinner, I surveyed the meal that had been set down before me and proclaimed, “Sometimes I like broccoli.” That was it. The real meaning behind my statement, he explained to me, required a bit of deciphering. Sometimes she likes broccoli. So that probably means that sometimes she doesn’t like broccoli. Now is this one of the times when she does? Or is she trying to tell me, instead, that while she does sometimes enjoy broccoli, tonight is not, in fact, one of those times, and therefore there will be no eating of the broccoli this evening?
It’s a kind of round about way of getting a message across, but eventually he did understand my meaning: no broccoli for me tonight, Dad.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned to be a little more direct. I find it’s just easier all around, and really leaves much less room for error. For example, earlier this summer Charley mentioned that he would be out of town on business on my birthday. Now a younger me may have spent some time batting her eyelashes, dropping strategic hints about things that he could do to make up for the fact that he wouldn’t be there with me to celebrate me turning almost 40. But I’m a slightly sleep deprived working mom of two young boys, and frankly, I didn’t have the energy. So instead I just laid it out there: “Well then you should at least send some flowers.”
And, wouldn’t you know it? I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers on my birthday from my thoughtful husband! See? It’s a win-win. I was happy because I got exactly what I was hoping for, and he was happy because he didn’t have to guess about what I wanted. It may be slightly less romantic, but it certainly is more direct, and ultimately, more effective.
With all the challenges that we all face each day in the normal course of things, it just seems to make sense the lessen the chances for disappointment where possible. So when I can, I let people know what I need and I try to do so in the clearest possible way. Really it takes much less effort. I still don’t necessarily always get what I want, but at least if I don’t, it’s less often because my needs weren’t understood in the first place.
eleven bee 