So here are just a few things to help get started again…
Uh. WTF was I going to write here? Good god, I’m out of shape.
I’ve been thinking about nothing lately. I mean, actively thinking about nothing — about the beautiful, precious nothingness that is it all. I was talking to a girlfriend of mine a week or so ago about how surprisingly okay I’ve become with the idea that none of this really matters, but I quickly got the sense that my message had gotten kind of garbled along the way. What I had thought would come across as a wise bit of zen-ness actually turned out to be a darker and not un-pessimistic slice of existential nihilism.
I generally try to avoid talking about religion or politics, even with friends whose positions along these lines I believe might be similar to my own. Partly because if they do share my views, well then, how boring would that be? And if they don’t, well… I don’t know. As open minded as I consider myself to be, I don’t think I’d necessarily want to risk getting into it with people with whom I want to remain friends.
But the other night when I kind of casually mentioned that, no, I hadn’t snapped out of the “nothing really matters and that’s okay” phase, I was reminded of a third reason why I don’t typically broach these fairly personal topics: because it leaves me open for being misunderstood. It leaves me slightly vulnerable. (To… to what, exactly?)
So I’m taking my quazi-homegrown mishmash spin on the closest thing I’ve ever gotten to something I might actually call spirituality, and I’m going back in the closet. (But as I head back underground, I’m bringing with me my copy of Mindfulness in Plain English — thanks to my friend S. 🙂 )
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Also. On another note, it’s just recently occurred to me that it’s entirely possible that those people who seem unbelievably, um, obnoxious might actually be putting on a front. It’s a sham. Or, at least, it might be. For some reason, I find this comforting.
image from: http://www.flickr.com/photos/81015532@N00/
eleven bee 
Happy to have you back!