I started a post earlier this morning about this whole “sandwich generation” thing that I’m living right now. (Picture it: I’m the bologna squeezed between the bread of my kids and my elderly mother.) I’ve come back to it a couple of times throughout the day and still haven’t been able to organize my thoughts in an appealing way. So I’m gonna set that aside for a minute … I’ll come back to it later.
This is something that I’ve gotten good at, I think. I’m over forcing things, you know? But it’s possible I have over-corrected. (I do that a lot.)
I’ve sat in enough church basements in rooms full of strangers to have memorized the serenity prayer. God grand me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Someone once observed that I seemed to have mastered the “accept the things I cannot change” part. I agreed. But that’s only part of it. It’s important to balance that part out with the whole courage to change the things you can piece as well.
Overall, my que sera sera world view has served me well. I’m grateful for the life I lead – I love my kids, my family. I feel lucky to have the job I do. I live comfortably, I have friends I care deeply about, and I even see my post-divorced social life as a bit of gift. (Albeit a slightly complicated gift, given the COVID-y state of the world and my current multi-gen living sitch.)
There’s a part of me that thinks I should be steering my destiny a little bit more. I’m cool with the zen like state of being that leaf floating down the stream, but occasionally I wish I had a paddle.
When does this “evolved” state cross the line from contentment to just straight up laziness? And how does one go about developing those “make things happen” muscles?
(Also, you know that thing when you can’t remember if you’ve told a story to someone before, and you’re in the middle of telling whatever that story is and wondering if the person you’re talking to is just being polite and indulging you while you repeat yourself? I’m experiencing the blog version of that exact same thing right now. Gonna go scroll through those posts from NINE years ago to see if this particular batch of ramblings is captured somewhere back there already…)
More tomorrow.
eleven bee 