This is a post about letting go.
On Sunday mornings I wake up and, while everyone is still sleeping, I open the newspaper at the kitchen counter and read the obituaries, I solve the sudoku puzzle (the wicked hard one!), and I read the Ask Amy advice column. Every few weeks there will be some version of the “my partner is abusive or unfaithful, but I can’t bring myself to leave him/her” or “my family is the worst, they have always been horrible, what should I do” scenario. And each time I read this stuff I think to myself, “you’ve got ONE life.” What could possibly compel you to stick around to fight that battle after you already know you can’t win?
It’s come up in work too. With me, and with others, I have been asking the question: what do you like most about your job? What about the things you don’t enjoy? When the stuff you don’t enjoy starts to overshadow the stuff you do enjoy, what would make you want to stay in that position?
I’m old enough now – have I mentioned I’m 50 lately? what’s that? I mention it in every post? – that I kind of feel that I’ve earned the privilege of being able to pick and choose a little when it comes to the kind of work I do. That’s the thing I think that I like most about my job. There’s lots about my job that triggers all sorts of insecurities that have threaded their way through my entire professional history, but there’s also stuff that I truly enjoy. There’s stuff that sparks joy.
But I see people, and I read about people in those Sunday morning advice columns, who maybe recognize that there’s a lot about their current situation that no longer has anything positive to offer them, and even though they could choose to walk away or find a new partner or job (yes i know it’s seldom that easy), or define some other possible scenario for themselves, they choose to stay.
That mismatch between the thing they choose to expend their finite life energy on and the things that recharge them, takes a physical and (dare I say it) spiritual toll on them. They’re stressed. Unhappy. Their health deteriorates.
I was wondering the other day if part of the reason people stay in these kind of situations might have to do with the ego. Is it a “damnit, I will fix this. I will make this work” attitude that keeps one from simply accepting the mismatch and letting go?
As I’m typing this, I can hear a voice in my head chiding “does the concept of ‘commitment’ mean nothing here?” and so I feel the need to clarify that I’m not advocating for being lazy. I still think it’s important to put in the work, to make the effort. But at some point there needs to be the self awareness to recognize that the pieces don’t fit together. Life’s too short…
It’s late (for me) and I’m tired after a long day. There’s more to chew on here but I’ll leave that to another day.
image from the new yorker (duh)
eleven bee 