it’s a modest accomplishment, but one i’m going to celebrate nonetheless: i have managed to stick to writing once a day for the last week. in reading back over what i’ve put out there, i can totally see that this is not my best work. i can feel it when i’m writing. the effort it takes to try to build back up these muscles. but i’ve been here before – with writing, with work, with other lapsed personal goals – and i know that it will come. ringo might have been the walrus, but i’m 100% the tortoise. slow and steady. i’ll get there.
speaking of lapsed personal goals and slow and steady – i have a triathlon to train for coming up in less than 6 months.
signing up for a repeat of a race i’ve already completed was kind of a black friday impulse decision two years ago. i had a tiny epiphany around my “racing” philosophy a while back. and as is the case so often with me, i’ve figured out a way to broadly apply this insight to many areas of my life.
i decided to train for my first triathlon back in 2010(ish) just to prove to myself that i could do it. the idea of an open water group swim (eek), followed by a bike ride, followed by run seemed ridiculous. but i went ahead and trained for it, in my own clumsy DIY kind of way and survived. i proved to myself that i could do a sprint tri (1/2 mile swim, 12.4 mile bike, and 3.1 mile run). i didn’t break any records, but i survived.
with the next challenge, i could have gone one of two ways: either do another sprint distance triathlon and try to improve my time, or just do a longer distance tri. i chose the latter. this is where my epiphany comes in. i realize that this focus on doing more, rather than doing better, is something that probably defines me in other areas of my life too. (quantity vs. quality?) bringing this back to just triathlons, my focus has always been on surviving each race. i never want to hit that wall and just not be able to carry forward, so i tend to train and race very conservatively, always making sure i have some gas in the tank. the idea of reframing my goals for triathlon to try and improve my performance rather than swim/bike/run farther was what motivated me to sign up for the boulder half ironman again. (well it was that and also the fact that i had worked my way up from a sprint to an olympic distance, a half-ironman, and after a failed first attempt, a full ironman, and just could not fathom what would come after that…)
so i signed up for the 2020 boulder half ironman and, well, 2020 was quite a year, no? which means that my registration for this race rolled over to 2021. but in the meanwhile, i turned 50… and will be turning 51 nine days after the 2021 race is scheduled. my shoulder is jacked up. and my knee hurts. and because of that and a handful of other reasons, i’m not feeling particularly motivated.
i’ve seen a few medical professionals about the shoulder thing in particular. it really interferes with swimming, and when i explain that i do actually swim longer distances in training, the doctor, or physical therapist, or whoever i happen to be speaking with nods knowingly and empathizes with the idea of being kept from doing the things that we love. i’ve stopped trying to correct them. i’m not an endorphin junky, addicted to exercise and movement. i do it for a bunch of other reasons – to challenge myself, to try and stay at least a little in shape, and to fit into clothes. but this is not my passion.
at the beginning of the year, i decided to try and jump start my physical fitness activity level. but instead of running, i decided to start walking instead. it turns out i actually enjoy walking. especially with a good podcast or audio book to listen to. i wonder why my “don’t force it” philosophy doesn’t apply to my usual choices about physical activity? how have i not marie kondo’ed my workout program?
anyway. i’m thinking the odds of the race actually happening in august are at about 50/50. and if it happens, i’ll be there. and even if i’m just leaning on the wisdom i’ve gained along the way about how to race smarter, i’m optimistic that my performance this time will be a least a smidge above the (pretty darned slow) times i clocked when i first did this race back in 2017.
and, when it comes to writing, while i’ve been focussing on just establishing better habits, being consistent and spending this time every day jotting down random thoughts, i think it makes sense to sense to give at least equal attention to the quality of these words too. here’s to 2021 goals.
eleven bee 