Category Archives: Kids/Family

I’m feeling a little mushy tonight, and mostly it’s because of this huge love I feel for my two sons.  I’m so loving the people they’re becoming, so enjoying the little boys that they are.  This morning I woke up when Kai, my four-year old, climbed into bed to snuggle.  I drifted back off to sleep and woke up later when I heard Colin, my six-year old, rustling about.  Kai had gotten up after I had fallen back to sleep, and had gone downstairs to play quietly by his self.  Not quite ready to get up, I rolled over and picked up the book that I’ve been reading.  When Colin peeked in, he saw me reading, then trotted off to grab his own book.  Together we read quietly for the next fifteen minutes or so.  After he had worked his way through a few pages of the literary masterpiece that is Captain Underpants, we decided it was time to get up, and we made our way downstairs together to get breakfast started.  It was a great beginning to the day.

I love that my boys are so snuggly.  So engaged, so creative, so smart, so thoughtful.

This evening I dropped Colin off at his first ever sleepover party.  He seemed a little nervous, but mostly excited.  Me, on the other hand, I felt a bit sad.  I drove home and found my husband nursing his cold, crashed out on the sofa in front of the TV.  Kai and I sat down for dinner, and while he didn’t seem to be missing his big brother one bit, to me it felt like we were missing something, someone.  I know he’s just a few blocks away, probably close to sleeping now, after a fun evening of games, pizza, cupcakes, and a movie, but still, I miss him.

I feel a little pang everytime I think of that saying, “A daughter’s a daughter for all of her life.  A son is a son ’till he takes a wife.”  And while I have no intention of crossing that dysfunctional stalkeresque line depicted so well in that inexplicably popular children’s story book I’ll Love You Forever — Seriously?  The elderly mom is shown driving across down with a ladder strapped on the roof of her station wagon so she can climb into the bedroom window of her adult son and quietly rock him in her lap while he’s sleeping?  I can’t be the only one who thinks this is just plain freaky… — I totally understand the urge to want to hold them close for as long as possible.

image from www.tippiepics.com (photographer extraordinaire)

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edited a few days later to add:

Colin just informed me that the things that look like squiggles coming out of the monster’s mouth are actually “a”s.  As in “ahhhhh!”  So apparently this guy already has a voice.  But still,  I envision him using his might to convey a slightly more weighty message.  Something like “Ahhhh!  Use your brains people!”  or “Ahhhhh!  Why don’t you kids ever listen to me?”  or even “Ahhhhh!  The sun!  It’s getting closer!  The earth is getting hotter!  This is not a drill!”

It was an assignment from Colin’s kindergarten class last year that first got me to thinking about the general lack of tradition that we have in our family.  And it was partly with this in mind that we started “The Threes” at Chez Baker.

Each night at dinner, we sit down and share our “threes” — one good  thing that happened that day, one bad thing, and one new thing that we learned.  I’m actually a bit surprised that it’s been as big a hit as it has been.  Young people, it turns out, dig ritual.  Who knew?

I did have other motives too when I dreamed this up.  Yes, it’s great for structuring conversations at those oh-so-important family dinners, but I had also hoped that it would help the boys in recognizing that each day has good and bad, and each day is an opportunity to learn.  If I had to generalize, I’d tag Charley with being the glass-is-half-empty guy, while I’m sure he’d pin me with the Pollyanna label. So the idea is to get the boys used to seeing things more completely…  Nothing’s all good.  But nothing’s all bad either.

Interestingly, I’ve found this to be a useful exercise for me too.  Even Charley has gotten into it. The grooves in our brains, the ways that we’ve learned to look at life, are pretty engrained.  So it can be a bit of an effort to see things from perspectives that are unfamiliar.  And the whole “one new thing I learned today” thing is actually more difficult to identify than one might imagine.  How sad is it, though, to imagine that a day goes by when we don’t learn at least one new thing…?

Each night at dinner, the boys work on defining the ways that they look at the world, and each night at dinner, their parents work on redefining the ways that they see their world too.  It’s kind of cool.

It is my firm belief that there is something inherently amusing about air quotes.  To me, they look like a twitchy  pair of flaccid peace signs; sometimes they remind me of devious little bunny ears.  Usually when people use air quotes these days, they’re doing it to be funny.  Occasionally, though, I’ll catch someone using the air quote seriously, without even a hint of irony, which, of course,  just makes me want to snicker even more.

The most impressive display of air quotes I’ve ever seen was at a Planning Commission public hearing many years ago.  I watched a land use attorney pace back and forth in front of the commissioners, attempting to demonstrate his understanding of environmental policy.  “My client’s proposed project is in compliance with all applicable land use regulations,” he began.  “At the state level, we have the ‘California Environmental Quality Act’, or ‘CEQA.”  And here he stopped and busted out the underhanded air quote.  Which, if you take a moment to try it out yourself, looks more than just a little bit silly, and even a little naughty.  Kind of like he was goosing the air.  Still makes me giggle whenever I think about it.

Tonight, at dinner, we began the ritual of dessert negotiations.  “If I finish all my food, can I get a treat?” Colin asked.

“Sure,” I agreed. “We’ve got watermelon, and mango –“

He shook his head. “No, no, no.  Not fruit.  I mean a treat treat.”

I looked over and saw he was still wiggling his fingers in the air.  “Treat” treat.  With air quotes.

I have to give him credit for using the air quote correctly.  I mean, he’s only six.  This has got to be a milestone of some sort, right?  I just hope he learns how to use the air quote for good and not evil…